My husband’s alcoholism really began to escalate after his mother died. One night after coming home from the neighbors, he was having such a hard time walking that even standing was difficult. There he was, bent over holding on to the doorway. As he looked up at me, I was overwhelmed with what I saw in his eyes. I saw a heartbreaking mix of hurt, confusion, and fear. He looked completely lost, as if he’d wandered into a world he didn’t understand.
I hadn’t seen much, if any emotion, in his eyes while he was drinking. But then, in that single, devastating moment, I saw the full extent of his suffering. The disease’s brutality was laid bare, transforming the man I loved. In his eyes, I witnessed both my husband’s presence and the relentless grip of alcoholism, a grip I believe he desperately wanted to break.
That moment of understanding, when I truly separated the disease from the person, was a turning point for me. I was flooded with compassion. After that moment, I worked very hard to detach with love. Up until then, I practiced detachment, but I must admit that a lot of my detachment had occurred with indifference. I had become somewhat numb to the drinking and the chaos it had caused. I became kinder and more considerate. I began to treat him with the same dignity and respect I’d learned from Al-Anon meetings. This shift in my attitude and behavior helped me support my husband’s journey to sobriety.
By Beth K.
The Forum, August 2025
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.